Finding The Meaning Behind The Confrontation
As couples desire to reignite the light of their connection, they need to go back to the basics. The first order of business is to analyze self. The scripture tells us to deal with “the log in our own eye, rather than the spec in someone else’s”. So, when we look at our own ways of communicating, we may find that we are fairly self-centered when we communicate. This concept should not be confused with “shut up and be quiet” position. On the contrary, you can make your point and case, just wait your turn. Secondly, rather than desiring to be heard and understood, increase the skill of listening to understand. Make a trade from thinking about what you want to say with entertaining what your partner is saying. Once you have listened to your partner’s concern, take the time to reframe what they have said by using the phrase “so what I heard you saying is….” This tool will not only validate your partner but it will also assure you that your interpretation is correct. Additionally, be aware of defensive posturing. Make efforts to engage as an active listener, rather than defending yourself. Marriage is God’s sanctifying tool and your partner is a mirror for you to see your own behaviors. Become more open to hear about yourself and work to find ways for self-growth. Defensiveness is narrow-minded and stunts growth and productivity. Whereas, ownership is a sign of high self-esteem and increases self-development.
